Ibogaine University Testimonial
Above is a video review by Veronica on the Ibogaine University Treatment Center — 1 (800) 351-9777. See the transcription of Veronica's experiences below.
"My name is Veronica, and I am originally from Pennsylvania..."
What brought you here?
I recently came in contact with a friend who had come here himself. And Ibogaine came into my “sphere” four years ago. And slowly I kept learning more and more. And then friends had a good experience with it. I got the opportunity to come so I grabbed it, and uprooted my whole family from North Carlina, came out to California, where I planned to stay, so I have a fresh start when I get back from Mexico, Ibogaine University. I’m so glad I jumped at the chance, because it’s been a beautiful, beautiful experience.
In what way? Tell me more.
In every way, really. It’s a beautiful place to be first of all; the ocean and the rocks, the lava rocks, the sandstone. It’s just a very spiritual place. The whole staff here are wonderful. From the therapy to the massage, to different activities. It really opened me up, got me talking and processing. Really letting go of my grief, my shame, my guilt. And teaching me to love myself and believe in myself again. Releasing that is what is making me capable of change, of growth, and really releasing the past and moving forward to the future. To just let it all go. To cry. To talk about it. Whatever I needed to do. And the body work that Dominic did after my Ibogaine treatment was integral. Because I had stirred up these energy calluses and stirred up fear and grief and anger in my body. She just moved it right out. What Ibogaine did for me mentally, she did for me physically and energetically. The chi gong, the yoga, these are all practices that I’m going to carry into my daily life. Because it is about loving yourself, but in discipline.
Tell me more about your Ibogaine experience.
Well the harsh tutelage of Ibogaine, it’s not some party trip. It’s not to feel good. It’s intense, it’s very intense. You conquer yourself. It’s all about facing and erasing your ego. Everything you’ve taken with you is what you battle in there. It’s important to know that going in. That even if you set your intentions, even if you feel prepared, there’s still going to be some moments that are tough. But anything that’s worthwhile, it’s hard along the way to get there. Like getting in shape, anything there’s going to be a burn. I really wrestled with things. I got in a loop of just wanting drugs. Anger. Fear. I really had to tackle those things. Another thing that it does do for you is it teaches you where your heart lies. Because I materialized my husband and my daughter in front of me, it was actually like they were right there, and that’s your heart. That’s what matters. It really brings that right into the forefront. It makes you realize what your heart is. Ibogaine is not just about the trip itself, those couple of days, it’s about the day after too. Because the day after I was cracked wide open spiritually, energetically. Everything was brighter and more colorful. I could feel the energy off of everyone and everything. Like literally feel it in vibration. It’s so beautiful to be completely open like that. To feel that deeply after being so closed for so long. I felt like my perception was way out here, where I’d been living in tunnel vision for so long. I was looking at the ocean, the waves crashing. I could feel the molecules breaking up in the surf and joining up into the atmosphere. It was absolutely amazing, that day after. What Scott said, here at Ibogaine University, this is what it could be like if you keep on your journey of spiritual awakening and connectedness with the universe. This is what it could d be like all of the time. It doesn’t stay like that unfortunately, because it’s not that easy. There’s still work to do. That was really beautiful, that day after. Then the day after that there’s what was called “the grey day” where it came back to reality. But then I learned a good lesson that day because everything seemed low again. But I came out of myself and out of my ego, which I had learned, and spread my energy outwards and danced and held somebody’s hand that needed it. Then I felt great by my own doing, and that’s what it’s all about.
You said it was like an ego-destroyer, tell me more about what you mean by that.
It was tough because we’re so used to being outwards and dealing with other people’s egos, and we never really dissect our own. I expect some of theirs being stubborn, bull-headed, and I’m this way. This is how I am. This is how I’ll always be, and I just had to shatter that. If I want to change. If I want a new, higher plane of existence I needed to destroy that. That’s something that I’ve really learned through this journey too is humility and gratitude.
In what way has that taught itself to you?
Just to be humble. I don’t have to be right. I don’t have to know everything. It’s actually better if I don’t. To allow myself to just say “ok I’m here to learn, I’m here to change” and just to humbly take the advice and the tutelage.
In what way were you really closed? Describe that contrast to me.
Well, I was a heroin addict. When you use opiates your senses are deadened, you can hardly taste, smell. You have tunnel vision all of the time. Or with alcohol, I was using alcohol a lot, and everything is blurred and distorted and dumbed down, less colorful. Everything seeps bleak, because you’re constantly focused on the pain and the need. Constantly. Very either detached from your body because you’re hurting yourself everyday, so you have to be completely detached from your body. Or you’re locked in you body just constantly with the withdrawals or being super high. And it’s all fake. Everything you’re feeling is induced, it’s not from your true self. So, to let all of that go and to be opened up, to see, to feel everything again. It was great even before Ibogaine. Just being here and being clean. Not hustling and hurting myself everyday was beautiful in itself. But then to go to that and really have all of my receptors cleaned out. It was just so beautiful. I was like this world is amazing, this universe is amazing. Everyone in it is amazing. I’m amazing. I can’t possibly squander this. It’s too much of a gift.
When is the last time you’ve felt that way?
When my daughter was born.
How long were you suffering, or experiencing this heroin addiction?
I’m almost 40, so half my life.
What happened that made you decide that now was the point to make a change?
I just felt like I was stuck in a loop of despair and wasting my existence, which I was. I have a beautiful daughter. I have a beautiful husband, I have a beautiful family, friends. I realized I have everything I want and need in my life. And the only thing that’s stopping me from my true happiness is myself.
What are you going to be taking into your life that’s going to really help you stay clean?
Definitely the exercising I need to keep with the routine. I definitely need to continue with the yoga, chi gong, taking walks, stretching, treating my body well, good diet. A good diet is very important. Just take care of my body, mind, and spirit. Just have a spiritual relationship with the creator and myself. And I also want to continue with the 12 steps, go to meetings as well. And I think all of that, if I nurture my spirit, my body, and my mind, I think I should be able to hold it down.
Do you still get any cravings?
I don’t at all. We’ve been talking about our pasts here, me and the other patients, clients, and I used to get physical responses, just even talking about drugs. I would get rapid heartbeat, get a little nauseous, feel like I had to go to the bathroom or something, and now I just don’t. It just doesn’t even appeal to me. I’ve spent too much time doing that. I don’t want to stab myself with needles anymore. Making myself bleed everyday. I forgive myself, the past is the pas. But in the future, this is a beautiful vessel, it’s an amazing microcosm, I have to take care of it.
What did this whole journey with drugs teach you now that you’re on the other side of it?
I realized that I was trying to deaden my pain. And also, I was trying to have some sort of spiritual experience through drugs. I realized that I can deal with my pain. It’s better to deal with it, process it, and get beyond it, because pain is apart of reality. It’s going to happen. We’re going to have loss. Things are going to happen, but we just have to process it, deal with it, and move on. We just can’t stuff it down because it just pops up int he wrong places at the wrong times. You can’t find spiritual discovery through drugs. You have to work for it and open your soul and you heart to make these realizations. They can’t be false and induced. I think that’s what I was trying to get from them. But I realize now that I have to go the natural route.
In what way has this served you in you spiritual journey, as well as the physical cleansing of it?
I think I had some fear associated with the spiritual. Even though I craved it, it was so big and I didn’t understand it and I had no basis. There was just the Catholic church for my family. I was raised Quaker which was great with the meditation aspect, but it was a group setting. Sitting on benches. I think growing up like that did start me on that path to have early meditative experience, but then I strayed away from that when I left home. I was so full of anger, so full of pain that I wasn’t nurturing my spiritual self at all. And I went to a black period where I didn’t even address that aspect of stuff at all. It just led me down a very dark path for a very long time. So I’m back in touch with that part of me, and I’m so glad.
Why did you start drugs in the first place?
Well, my parents were addicts, and I think, in some way, that I wanted to understand them. My father got clean, but he didn’t get rid of his anger, he didn’t get rid of his fear, he didn’t get rid of his shame, didn’t get rid of his guilt. He was working the steps but taking short cuts, and then he became a compulsive over-eater even though he was clean off the drugs and alcohol he was still an addict. He would talk about his drug days as his glory days. Talk about them so positively, and he was so miserable sober. So I think part of me wanted to see him happy, or see what that was all about. I was in an alternative group of friends and of course with people in subcultures, people with different levels of mental illness, drugs seep in the picture. They come in. With radical music scenes, it’s a shame because the drugs always seem to attack the creative people first. Maybe it’s because we’re sensitive and the world is too much because we’re so sensitive to energy and everything and how fucked up the world can be. We just want to feel better and happy. But it’s all false. It’s better to find it the real way.
Thank you so much. And share any final words with anyone who might be experiencing this desire to get clean.
Stop making excuses and just do it. Put it aside. Put everything you think you need to do. all of the reasons you think you can’t do it. Just shed all of that and just do it. Don’t waste your life it’s so beautiful. And I also wanted to share, too, we’ve talked about Ibogaine, but I also did toad while I was here. That was very beautiful as well. And I think it’s a good note to end the interview on because the experience I had with that is the whole universe opened up in front of me, and I saw all of the intricate inner workings of the universe. Yes I also saw the simplicity of it all. We’re all loved children, and we have to just let go and see that it’s ok and it’s simple. So, it you want to get clean, it’s simple. You’re a loved child. Just do it, love yourself as much as you would love you most cherished friend.
